I’m not worried about $5 a gallon gas.
I’ve got my eyes (and hands) on a much larger concern. There exists a staple that I absolutely cannot live without. I can drive less. In our household that priceless commodity is toilet paper. TP, Toilet Paper, The Big Wipe, Ass Cleaners, Dook Scrubbers, Sh*tBegone, you get the picture.
I never really thought about toilet paper before. Before a wife and two girls entered the picture. Now, it is one of my obsessions. It is a minor obsession I assure you. A major obsession would be those Cottonelle flushable wipes. More on that in a bit.
With 3 gals (1 adult, 2 fast growing kids) in the house I started to notice a pronounced drain on the tp supply. Hhhmm? Must be my imagination. I could’ve sworn I just changed that roll yesterday. Oh well. A day later, no mistake, another new roll. Should have been more alert to the clues. Kids, as many know like to use the bathroom, then leave sans flushing. Me, “Hey, who left the foot high mound of toilet paper in the toilet? Is that much paper really necessary for a pee?” I shudder at the number of trees needed for a “number 2″ natural event in my house. At this rate, my family is denuding forests at a clip that would make rainforest/slasher farmers look like they were moving in quicksand.
The trouble here is twofold. 1.) My girls are, well, girls. They need more tp than I, naturally. 2.) My gals are all scrunchers. The apple doesn’t fall far from the Mommy tree. I’m a folder, coupla squares neatly folded. Gives one a direct and clear visual report of the success or failure of one’s efforts. Scrunchers are not only wasters, they’re inefficient. You can’t get a good visual what with all the folds, crinkles and things. While I’m surgical in my exactness, the lovely wife is a graduate of the kill a fly with a shotgun approach. More is better. Much more is much better. Happened to catch her act one morning, visualize the arm of a mummy and you just about have a handle on it. I like to call it the Boris-Karloff-Im-ho-tep effect. She’s gonna love me for this post :-)
Which gets me to wipes. Wipes are the swiss army knife of any parents diaper bag. They can pretty much clean anything. Being a veteran of many diaper changes I knew the power they held. I just never thought of them as useful to adults if know what I’m saying. One day in the grocery store, saw some aforementioned Cottonelle wipes and my life was forever changed. I never looked “back.”
Think you’re white room clean? Take my challenge. Buy some wipes. Make your move. Give it your best surgical effort. Follow up with a wipe. Gasp at the results. I’m telling ya, you’ll be a believer after just one, soft, moist, wipey wipe. Gotta go, my stomach feels funny.
By the way, I’m a “crumpler”(not scruncher). I think the further distance (aka: layers) you can get your fingers away from your a** so much the better. –the wife
One must scrunch when you buy the cheap stuff. But I gotta say, I’m proud of you for maintaining such an important stance in a household full of women. I gave up years ago!
Having 2 boys, I’ve never been exposed to the Isle of ButtRibbon.
A quick fast snap is the order of the day at our place.
They do like to do homework on the throne, and I laff til I cry when I hear the old “Ahhhhh, my legs are asleep!!!”
The TP problem we do have is, since it takes us awhile to run thru the case we buy, when we do run out, there better be some Kleenex near.
Living with one boy and one man, I’ll say this: the cost of every roll of toilet paper is equal to the cost of cleaner to clean the drips and drops off of the toilet rim, the outer bowl, and the floor.