The Booger Concert.
The other night we went to Einstein HS to see our eldest daughter play in a concert. It was an Honors band for the central area of Montgomery County. She practiced for about five weeks, so of course she got sick a few days before the concert. But, she dearly wanted to play so we dosed her up and she gutted it out. It was simply wonderful. Nothing like seeing your child on stage.
So we’re sitting in our seats, youngest daughter playing her Nintendo DS to kill time before the concert. Lights go down, concert starts. We’re only a few minutes in when Lisa excitedly asks if I have a tissue for Erin. Her urgency made me immediately think it was one of Erin’s classic Sam Peckinpah like spewing bloody noses. I frantically search every pocket I have in 5 nano-seconds. No, I don’t have anything. As I lean over expecting to see a blood bath, Lisa says, “cuz she’s got a gigantic booger on her face.” The horror. Gigantic said it all. It was colossal.
So we have no tissues, and Lisa goes to tear up a part of the paper program for the concert. “No, don’t use that, I want to save that.” sez me. “What do I do then?” sez Lisa. “Do what any kid would do, wipe the shit under your seat.” sez me. “Oh my God, I can’t do that.” sez Lisa. “Just do it, it’s just a booger.” sez me. “Oh my God.” sez she as she completes her mission. I think she actually shivered. Booger safely and humanely deposited under the seat where it lives today.
Now the booger manufacturer pipes up, “I can’t see Austen from here.” For the first time ever at one of these events, I can see her perfectly. “Alright, switch with me.” sez I. Lisa is sitting between me and the boogie monster, nervously perched above the seat of shame. So I stand up and Erin squeezes between Lisa’s knees and the seats in front of her and sits in my seat. Then I try to squeeze between Lisa’s knees and the seat in front of her to get to Erin’s seat but Lisa won’t stand up or scrinch in her knees so I can pass. What the hell? “There’s NO WAY I’m standing or letting that seat up an inch . . . I’m not letting that booger rub back on me . . .” sez Lisa.
Concert ends and was great. 1 second later Lisa is headed for the nearest exit in search of an acid bath for her hands. What a trooper. :-)
I am actually crying, I’m laughing so hard….
oh, I shivvered in horror when I had to do that.
Wow, sounds like your kids need some more vitamin C or something.
Pshawww, what would childhood be without oversized boogers and gusher nosebleeds, anyways?
Some comedian had a great line about boogers. He said something to the effect of, “people are always saying, ‘don’t pick your nose’. Well how the hell am I supposed to get the boogers out then?”