There’s a girl that’s bi and we’re afraid to sleep, Bye!
That’s what we heard from daughter #1 on her second night away at Outdoor Ed.
A little background. In MOCO the middle schools have something called Outdoor Ed. It’s a 2 day retreat where the kids learn team building skills, hike, check the health of streams etc. We were a little nervous about letting her go. The dorms are separated by gender, there are high school counselors and the teachers sleep in the same building.
How bad could it be? What could possibly happen? She’s not even that far away? Relax.
I went to all of the informational meetings at school and it seemed like it would be a great experience. One thing the teachers told us, expect little to no communication from our kids. Cellphones not allowed. IF they had time they might give us a prison-like 15 seconds of an update. Okay, I’m not all that worried.
The first night we get the call.
D1, “Hey it’s me, just calling to say hi . . . well I gotta go.”
Lisa, “Wait . . . how are you are you having fun?”
D1, “Yeah, well I gotta go.”
Lisa, “Wait, talk to Dad.”
Me, “Hey sweetie, how are you are you having fun?.” (Brilliant questions on my part)
D1, “Yeah, well I gotta go.”
Me to Lisa, “Jesus, that was quick . . . did she really sound all right to you . . . her voice sounded funny . . .”
Lisa, “I think she’s fine, they only have a couple of seconds. It was the teachers cell so she’s making them keep it quick.”
Now I’m wondering all night was there really something in her voice? There wasn’t but it didn’t stop me from worrying. Which set me up well for the call the next night. Second night, Lisa and I are watching the phone like two hawks at a chicken-breast festival.
D1, “Hi Mommy it’s me.”
Lisa, “Hi sweetie, how’s it going?”
D1, “Well, there’s this girl that’s bi and she’s opening the curtains when girls are showering and we’re all afraid to go to sleep tonight.”
Lisa, “What? . . . what? . . .”
D1, “Well, I gotta go.”
Lisa, “No, no, no wait . . . have you told your teachers?”
D1, “Yeah, but they didn’t do anything, well bye.”
Lisa, “No . . . wait. Go back and talk to your teacher again.”
D1, “Okay”
At this point I’m dying a thousand deaths waiting to talk to her. I get the phone and basically repeat all of the above. Lisa and I look at each other and say the same exact thing: WTF? After several minutes of noodling it over, we decide to call the cell number of the teacher who lent her use of the phone.
Lisa does the talking.
Teacher, (answering the phone) “Is this the pizza people?”
Lisa, “No, it is not, I’m Austen’s mother and . . .”
Teacher, “Yes I’m aware there was some behavior problems. I’ve stopped it and am in the room right next door. I can hear everything that goes on so do not worry . . .”
That went a long way to calming us. And I found out that she was very good to her word. She talked to Austen right after hanging up with us, everyone calmed down that night. I picked Austen up the next day at school and she had plenty of funny and good times to relate. Of course we got into the big bi incident but that too had faded some, though she still thinks the girl is odd overall.
I can’t remember exactly what my problems were in 6th grade but worrying about bi or gay schoolmates wasn’t even on the radar. Jesus, dodging 8th grade assholes and trying not to look like the geek I was were about it. Man how things have changed.
Yikes, I guess the worrying never lets up! I am at the stage where my boys can’t talk, so I panic a little whenever they aren’t in my or Hubby’s care. I can’t imagine what you and your wife were thinking! You’re right, I can still remember 6th grade, and bi/ gay schoolmates were FAR from my worries then.
I’m pretty sure the worrying will NEVER let up. I’m one of those nuts that walks his daughter to the bus stop each morning and I’m there to pick her up. At some point she’ll say that’s enough of that, it’s only a block away. At least my 7yr old will still let me hold her hand :-)
What a bizarre story. And the explanations you provide raise more questions than answer them.
My reactions:
(1) That’s cool that you were actually more attuned to your daughter than her mom. The stereotype of a “mother’s intuition” is way overplayed. You are obviously a very perceptive dad.
(2) Does MCPS offer Outdoor Ed in February(!) or are you recounting something that happened a while back?
(3) A good number of bi/gay kids are not Peeping Thomases/Tinas.
(4) There are many different reasons for why children act out like this. Sometimes this is a possible indication of abuse/neglect at home, for instance.
Would you prefer that everybody stay closeted and repressed because it makes everybody else less uncomfortable? I am not being facetious here; I actually want to know if you prefer that option. This still happens in many socially conservative school environments, for instance.
It’s not necessarily a good idea to have all the “normal” students continue to marginalize this troubled kid. Is the child getting help for this inappropriate voyeuristic behavior or did the school sweep this under the rug?
Also, if you want more peace of mind and don’t want your kid to be exposed to any “odd” or “weird” kids, the solution is simple. Don’t send them to a diverse mainstream American public school system.
A socially conservative private school with a relatively homogeneous student body is actually a pretty good option here. You will also find that educators will bend over backwards for you if you directly pay tuition to the school.
Members of the MCPS Helicopter Parent Brigade may want to look into such options.
Actually wife is very perceptive, I’m just a worrier. Yes, MOCO offers outdoor ed all year, they just got the deep freeze Feb draw.
On the bi question, I agree with your #3. I also agree there could be many underlying reasons for any kind of behavior. As for #4, my post was simply to point out that a young girls sexuality was not something I was thinking about in regards to outdoor ed. Clearly we do value diversity in public schools because that’s where we chose to send our daughter and it’s where she is thriving. And I think kids should be who they are.
As for that night, it was more the disruptive behavior of the girl, sexuality aside that made my daughter and some of the other girls nervous. From the re-telling of the story the next day it sounded more like a stab at attention from the girls in the dorm than any voyeuristic attempt. But that’s just my outside reading of what I heard. Speaking to a parent of another girl in the dorm that night the whole thing was deemed more disruptive than sexual. That said, she did say that her daughter told her the other girls think this particular girl is “weird.” “Weird” wasn’t elaborated on.
Overall, I think we all got a lot of “ed” out of outdoor ed this year and am very pleased my daughter experienced all it had to offer.
Thanks for the clarification, DadReporter.
Wow, I’m glad MCPS didn’t have Outdoor Ed in February back in the day.
Outdoor Ed was about as “fun” to me as Field Day. And I mean “fun” in the worst possible way.
Now *there’s* a reason not to have kids. Horrible flashbacks! Childless nitwits like me should leave the parenting to the strong & fearless. I do keep stumbling upon all of these MoCo parenting blogs, however. Yours is actually rather engaging and makes parenting look much less tedious and joyless than my parents led me to believe.
Cheers, DadReporter & co.
Thanks, I try to keep it fun here. Parenting is def. fun and def. challenging.
I owe it all to my level headed parents.