Mall eyebrow threading? WTF?
Walking through Tyson’s Corner Mall today and happen upon some people, actually paying to submit themselves to what? Having their eyebrows tweezed by someone with string in their mouths. WTF? Is it me? Where do I begin?
No f’n way would I let some beotch put a string in her unsanitary mouth and let her tweeze my eyebrows. First of all, have people no shame today? Why would I, even if I was temporarily knocked senseless, ever want to have this done in public? Hey, why not a kiosk to comb my ass hairs? Second, if you need to tweeze your unibrow, do it at home, I don’t want to see that shit. Third, who “trains” these mouth stringers? Isn’t it unsanitary? Why is the string in their mouths in the first place?
All the while people are walking by this scene like its the most common thing ever. God, I just wanted to jump up on the Fake Uggs Kiosk and start yelling. “What the hell’s wrong with you people? … don’t you see that chick with the string in her mouth? … Soylent Green is people!”
Look, I’m going to be 50 next week, I know all about Grandpalikeeareyebrowandnosehairesyndrome okay? Once again, I blame my wife. I can’t always keep up with the kudzu like hair growth emanating from my earlobes. If I’ve said it once, I’ve said it a thousand times, “warn me when you see wild-ass hairs sticking out of my ears.” Jesus. I don’t care how bad it gets for me, no, a thousand times no.
I was so fucking worked up I nearly missed my appointment at the teeth whitening kiosk.
Are you lucky enough to have the smokeless cigarette kiosk?
You need to relax about threading. Why not in public? It’s not like they are getting their asses de-haired. You get to use one of those electric nose hair shavers but women have to make appts to get eyebrows, bikini and leg hair removal. Just be glad you only sporting ear hair.
Oh yeah, we got the smokeless going on, and the fake ponytail thing. And the steamer thingy, teeth whitening . . .