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Okay, Saturday was beautiful so TheDadReport crew headed up to one of our favorite places, historic Frederick, Maryland. We put the girls through an hour of unbelievable, grueling, medieval-like torture called “looking at antiques.” After the umpteenth groan, Lisa had to bust out the, “look we go to places for you all the time and don’t complain . . .” talk.  They don’t know how lucky they were.  I was gearing up the, “do you know how many hours I’ve stood in Aeropostale* for you two ingrates” speech.  They chilled tout de suite.

One place we always visit is the Candy Kitchen, I recommend it.  Freshly made fudge and other goodies, sugar-free items as well.  Also, this time we went to a place some friends told us of, the Frederick Coffee Company and Cafe. We had a simple nice lunch, just what we were looking for, ie: it wasn’t McFatty’s. Give the Chicken Salad a try, it was great. We didn’t have coffee, but our friends say it’s very good. A favorite restaurant for lunch, (white table cloth) is Firestone’s, made even better by the fairly recent Frederick County smoking ban. There are a couple very cool toy stores in town. We like Dancing Bear Toys and Gifts, pop in there you won’t be disappointed. They have a fantastic array of interesting and fun toys as well as nicely chosen books.

As we’re strolling along, we come to a place I’ve wanted to investigate, the National Museum of Civil War Medicine. Or, as Lisa and I affectionately refer to it, “The Chopped Limbs and Blown-Off Chins Museum.” I should have known better than to take a 7 and 11yr old to a Civil War Medicine Museum. Hey, it’s a museum, it’ll be educational . . . plus admission was free that day. So what if they’re scarred for life, pays ‘em back for all the antique crap we got earlier in the day. Piss and moan about walking through an antique store and we just may make you look at a pile of amputated limbs. Oh, wait, they already saw that. Read more »

Lisa goes out of town for 2 weeks. The next day me and Daughter #2 get sick. We’re coughing like 12-pack-a-dayers. Erin was worse, oh how that poor little thing coughed at night. She had a fleeting little fever that came and went. I gave her the standard Motrin for the fever and Triaminic strips for the cough. Motrin worked, Triaminic was overwhelmed. I waited several days because she wasn’t getting any worse and on some days she was doing pretty well. Around day 7 I call our pediatrician to schedule a sick visit and get the standard screening response we’ve come to expect. Read more »

God help me but I love food that’s not salad.  Recently TheDadReport.com crew headed out to one of our favorite places, the venerable Ben’s Chili Bowl on U Street, NW. The Bill Cosby is THE thing to have. Half-smoke, split and grilled, mustard, onions, steamed bun all smothered in Ben’s chili. Fries are great, so are the hamburgers. If you happen to be at Ben’s while we’re there, watch out for your safety when the Bill Cosbys hit the table. If you’ve ever seen a tree chipping machine you’ll know what I’m talking about . . . keep fingers, hands and clothes AWAY from the maw of the eating machine. Not only is the food fantastic, the people are crazy nice. There’s always a line, take cash cuz they don’t take plastic. Check out a few pics from the feast.

Go there, now.

Quick note here for Upper Crust Bakery in Colesville, Md. (Intersection of New Hampshire Avenue and Randolph Road) For several years we’ve been getting holiday pies from UCB, they are fantastic. They also have great breads, check the NY Rye. The rugelachs are without question the best in the area that I’ve tried. They offer 3 flavors, Chocolate, Raisin and Raspberry. My mother-in-law, (an authentic Jewish mother-in-law from Chicago) agrees that these are THE best rugelach, that is saying something. The cherry pie is just delicious, wonderful flavor, excellent crust and the top is coated with big granular sugar. As posted before, I like Woodmore Pastry in 4 corners for dinner rolls, hamburger/hot dog buns . . . and donuts . . . mmmm.

Got Milk? If you drive a little past Upper Crust on New Hampshire Ave. you can pick up some farm fresh milk from Heyser Farms to wash it all down.
The milk is delivered from an organic farm in Pennsylvania. In fact, it’s the same people who supply milk to some of the local Whole Foods Markets. The milk comes in real glass containers! The clinking noise they make takes me back to being a kid. My 2 growing daughters love the taste. There is a charge for each glass container, but it’s refunded with your next purchase.  Support the little guys, they need it more than ever now.

Let’s get something straight right off the bat, we ain’t real hikers. We’re “can we make it a few more steps” (under ideal conditions) before passing out type hikers. Reminds me of the time we took the girls strawberry picking in Hades. Well, not Hades but it was 1000 degrees in the shade at 9am. Note: When you stand up from your strawberry row and your vision gets all spotty and your heart races, that’s not good. Hhmm, maybe we should have brought water.

Nevertheless, this is a great time of year to take the kids out for a quick hike. There are numerous places to go but we like a couple. Great Falls on the Maryland side is nice. It’s an easy walk to get out over the falls and the scenery is breathtaking. It’s on the C&O canal so you can walk as far as you’d like or as short. Regardless of the time of year you’ll be guaranteed to see kayakers in the falls whitewater.

Our favorite place for walks is Brookside Gardens in Wheaton, Md. You can walk the paths around the gardens or go into the woods behind the Nature Center. There are a couple of paths behind the NC, one is real short the other takes you back toward the lake that was just renovated. The short path is ideal for little hikers, you can do it easily with tiny dawdlers in a half an hour. Don’t forget Brookside has its “Garden of Lights” holiday light show going on now. It’s another fun way to get some exercise. Here are some pics of our recent outing.

Another local gem is Croyden Creek in Rockville, Md. It has a nice Nature Center and some easy paths. I’ve only been on one of the paths there but very similar to Brookside, plenty manageable and fun.

The main idea here is simple, get outside with the kids. I guarantee they’ll love it. Don’t forget to take some binoculars and your camera.

More Montgomery County trail info.

After we hit the mall in DC we invariably stop at Matchbox for some outstanding food. We always try to get there a little after the normal rush times of lunch and dinner. Even so, expect some wait time. We LOVE the 3-6-9 mini burgers . . . brioche buns, angus beef and unreal onion strings, whoa. (3-6-9 is how they come, you can get any multiple of 3) The girls love the mini’s. Pizza is superb, we “create our own” with zesty tomato sauce, mozzarella and basil. Don’t miss the apple/pear salad, it’s fresh and delicious every time. Read more »

On Saturday the entire DadReport.com crew headed to one of our favorite destinations, the Museum of Natural History. In particular the new Sant Ocean Hall, the Insect Zoo and the new Butterfly Pavilion.

The Sant Ocean Hall is very cool, a big whale dangling from the ceiling in mid-swim, a 30ft squid and smaller exhibits just skim the surface of what’s there to see. This is a good link to see the layout of the gallery and to help plan a visit. Remember out of towners, this is a FREE museum, one of many here in DC.

The Insect Zoo which was closed for many months was oddly untouched when it re-opened. Smaller kids will love it, lot’s of bugs to see and room to roam plus one place to crawl through. Austen held a giant tomato caterpillar (felt like a human finger) and a Madagascan hissing cockroach (didn’t touch it) . . . he/she was a big one.

The Butterfly Pavilion was a disappointment. We’re spoiled from our many trips to Wings of Fancy butterfly show at Brookside Gardens in Wheaton, Md. The BP is really small, plus it does have a cost of $6 bills for the big peeps and $5 for the little ones. We’re members of the Smithsonian so we saved a couple of bucks. My advice, if you live nearby go to Brookside, if you’re in town for a visit . . . eh, skip it.  Read more »

With Austen’s softball season eating up most weekends this fall we had to squeeze in our annual pumpkin patch trip last Saturday. We all pile into the car and head out to Homestead Farm in Poolesville, Md. When we left the weather was nice, but about 10 minutes from the patch it opened up. We were too close to return home and go on Sunday. So we braved it. You could call that a mistake.

We all had coats with hoods, all except Mommy. Mommy had on a Polartec that was putting a ShamWow to shame with all the rain it was soaking up. The owner of the farm told us if we wanted to walk out to the patch he’d give us a trash bag to wear. (Cue Austen recoiling in fashion killing horror)

Mommy was the hero, she wore the trash bag over her now sponge-like Polartec. The sight of Mommy in a trash bag suit trudging out to the patch was too much for our 10yr old diva, “I will not be seen walking with Mommy in that.” And with that she stomped off a good 20 feet ahead of the rest of us.

So we straggle into the patch, in the rain, and there we see a bunch of pumpkins that look exactly like the ones already picked back at the main farm building. Hhhhmmm?  . . . let’s see, I could have just bought the exact same pumpkins without getting soaked . . . why am I standing in a field? . . . did I mention the wind picked up and the rain, which is now pouring, is coming down sideways . . . did I mention that? “Hey Dad, over here, (way over here) this is the one I want.” Okay sez I, bending my 3 herniated-disc-surgery- having-old-ass-back down to lift. I take, oh a few (hundred) steps to put said pumpkin prize into the wagon when I hear the following, “Uh, I think I like this one better.” Get the picture?

Of course now Daddy has to slog the three 1-ton pumpkins back to the main building. Funny how that wheelbarrow seemed fairly light on the way out now seemed slightly heavy. Did I mention the rain coming down sideways? At this point the main building seemed to take 2 steps away from every 1 step I took towards it. My neck is so tight from holding up the wheelbarrow that I’m starting to resemble The Incredible Hulk. It’s here, with the sideways rain that Miss 10yr old Fashion Sense knuckles under and says, “Give me that trash bag.” Several hours later (OK, maybe 10 minutes) we were able to finally cover the 300 yards from the patch to the main building. There, I had the pleasure of lifting ALL of the pumpkins once again onto the scales. One more rain soaked slog to the car (did I mention it came down sideways?) to lift the pumpkins yet again and we were done.

Pumpkins selected, hauled, paid for and in the car. We’re all soaked to the bone and we’re looking at at least a 40 minute ride home. Now I DON”T do wet clothes, never had never will. (Cue the embarrassing Dad will do anything music) No wet jeans for me. Next thing anyone knows I’m driving us home sitting in my spanking new Old Navy boxers.

I can’t wait for next year.

Miniature Golf. I used to love miniature golf, now not so much. I’m not sure where or when I stopped giving mini the love. Lots of standing around, kind of expensive for the experience, worrying about that family of 39 jackals that seem to be behind us at every course. I hate it when they start encroaching on us when I’m trying to size up a fairly tough windmill hole. “Hey, do you mind . . . a little quiet in the gallery please.”

Imagine my unmitigated joy when ALL the mini love came flooding back in one big fell swoop. I speak of The Perils of the Lost Jungle miniature golf course in Herndon, Virginia. You can find it at Woody’s Golf Range. It’s a real nice place, hitting range, batting cages and of course the best mini golf going.

Austen near the Mummy's Tomb.

My girls are nuts about The Lost Jungle. You really have to go and play it to see what I’m raving about. Check out a few pics I took on our last visit. The animatronics really separate this place from the run-of-the-mill astroturf lame ass courses that I grew to dislike. There’s a nod to Bogey from The African Queen on one hole, a witch doctor, a pith-helmeted jungle explorer on others. You can walk through a tomb with a mummy laying in it.  Want a pygmy blow dart guy taking a shot at you? check. Want a gator to rise up out of a lagoon to take a chomp at you? check. There’s a tree full of monkeys that have broken into some hooch and are happily swigging away. There’s a cave with bats hanging down from the ceiling. There’s a skeleton stuck in quicksand, a hissing cobra, and much more.

The Mummy at The Perils of the Lost Jungle mini golf

It’s not cheap at $9.25 for adults and $8.00 for kids but hey, it’s fun and it’s outside. Note that you can’t just walk the course with your kids or “share” a putter between two peeps. They’re onto that move, everyone that goes in the jungle pays. Don’t worry, it’s worth it. Sorry I’m late with this review, if you can’t get out there soon, tuck the info away for the spring and summer. Call before you go because they do close the jungle when it gets cold. Now, if I can just hit that ten footer without taking a spear in the ass.

Oh God.

Just about every morning I go to Einstein Bros Bagels to get a bagel and the elixir of the Gods commonly known as Diet Coke. I then stroll into Starbucks next door, sit down, eat and read.

Also just about every day I pass 1, sometimes 4 people asking me for money. I try to discern whether these people really need my help or are just attempting to get money for another purpose. I have no way of being sure. Admittedly I use a flawed system of simply looking at said person, euphemistically called “hobos” by my young daughters.

Again, this is a flawed method, but one of the hobos has a cell phone, thus she don’t rate in my mind. The others wear different clothes every day, are super clean and have shoes, good decent shoes. I know, I know, describing people that way is lazy and uninformed. I’m describing the regulars to contrast with the guy I call “The Einstein Man.” I call him that because he has wild grey hair reminiscent of Albert.

I see The Einstein Man every once in a while. He is completely and utterly filthy. He has no shoes, only rags tied around his feet. He talks to himself. He never asks for anything. The few times I’ve see him he’s invariably digging through trash cans looking for food. Man. That does rate in my book.

So, a few weeks ago I buy him a bagel, take it outside to where he was laying down and give it to him. He said, “Thanks.” I felt pretty decent. Read more »