Anyhoot, after a while we notice that when pushing the keypad, the lights would either stay on or not go off. If we set the dishwasher to “Sanitize”, the next time you couldn’t get that selection to turn off. So we’d close the door, open it, push ALL the buttons. Eventually it would re-set itself and we’d move on.

The other day, I’d had enough of that shit. This thing should be working, why am I trying to diagnose this bs? So I call the 1-800 number and get some gruff sounding chick. She takes my info, asks when we bought it, serial number, all that. She informs me we’ve had it since Dec 08, (news to me, I think all of our appliance are “less than 1 year old” and that includes my 25 yr old air conditioner) and that we’re past the 1 yr warranty time period. Okay, that’s on me, should have called YEARS ago instead of fucking with the sometimes working keypad. So then the gruff chick says, “well, you are past the 1 year deal, but Maytag has some extenuating circumstances that I can apply here. I’ll have someone out there tomorrow morning.” I nearly collapsed. My question of course follows, “how much will it be?” To which she says, “oh nothing, you’ll pay nothing for parts or work, at Maytag we stand behind our products.” No shit. She is no longer gruff, she sounds all pleased, as do I. Then she says, “is there anything else I can do for you?” Me, “yeah I have all kinds of things I’d like YOU to help me with.”

The repair woman (don’t see that much, she’s been doing it for 8 years and loves it) comes out, touches the keypad, it does nothing. I was worried it was going to be one of those deals where you take your car in for some aggravating gremlin that while at the dealer works perfectly. Like the driver’s side mirror on my 2004 Forester. That damn thing is frozen up and down, it will move left to right. Every single time I take the car in for oil change, I say check the mirror. And every time they say, “it works perfectly.” Digression over. She orders the part, she’ll see us next week when it comes in. Part arrives, so does she, installs it, works fine.

You gotta love that.

Grilled Wings:
Top honors go to Austin Grill. (The spice is unbeatable, and the house made Ranch dressing for dipping is perfection)
Second place is Hard Times Cafe. (Great flavoring and served smoking hot temp.)

Fried WIngs:
Top honors go to Buffalo Wild Wings. (OMFG … Asian Zing, Honey BBQ)
Second place is Cluck You. (Don’t let the cover of this book fool you, made to order. When they say “HOT”, believe it.)

So finally found Method Foaming Hand Wash and there ain’t no going back. Other pump hand soaps are too gooey, (Dial) or too anti-bacterially (Softsoap). BTW- If you ever want to see something funny, check out my wife when she has to use a shitty gas station bathroom. That alone is funny, but when she comes out with her hands held up like she’s getting robbed, its a good indicator the soap (if there is any) smells like ass.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m not anti anti-bacterial. Oh no, I love me some antibiotics when me or my gals are sick. Problem with that is you’re reduced to lying like a bastard to get it. I just want some of dat pink stuff or maybe a little ol Z pak. Thats all.

Me, “Uh, yeah Doctor, uh, yeah, my uh, yeah … fever for 7 months now. Whassat? oh, uh … about 107 degrees … yeah shakes … vomiting? … oh yeah, big on that, big on that. Whassat? diarrhea? … oh yeah, pure squirts there, pure squirts … Whassat? throat? oh … (close eyed gulp for effect ) on FIRE, on FIRE“

I find that that kind of plea usually works. Be sure to mention your throat is on FIRE! That is critical to your success, it says BACTERIA writ large. You may want to spray some red dye in there to complete the illusion. What you DO NOT want to hear is the term “Viral”. Viral means you ain’t getting shit.

And that’s why I love Method Hand Soap.